It's Monday

I realize that it’s been a while since I posted anything for the weekly Sleeping with Bread. I am writing my dissertation and that’s been more than enough writing for me each day. Spending so much time in front of the glowing rectangle makes one day seem like another and gives little variation to each day. Last Monday I seriously thought that it was Wednesday all day. *sigh*



I am happy to be writing a Sleeping with Bread post, on the right day. It is a wonderful reminder to find the good in life. Too many things threaten to overwhelm me at present, and I will admit that a few times in the past weeks I have succumbed.



When did I feel most whole?
I spent this past weekend with my mother in southern California to attend my godbrother’s wedding. I had a wonderful time. We visited my mother’s alma mater, toured two Missions, and ate a lot of good food. It was great to see my godsibs. J and J seem really happy with their new bride and fiancé respectively. The littlest, who’s starting college this fall, is so sweet; I’m looking forward to spending more time with her in the near future.
When was I least free?
I have spent many days in my windowless office. Without natural light or other external cues it is easy to lose track of time. Mid-afternoon easily slips into early evening and the day is gone. When I suddenly realize that several hours have passed and my progress doesn’t seem commensurate to the time, it is easy to feel discouraged.


When did I feel most drained of life?
After staying up all night to try to meet a deadline, early Saturday morning I headed out the girls’ camp where I’d volunteered to chaperone (months ago thinking that the writing would be completed or at least better under control). When R found out that I had been up all night, she sent me home. I had been looking forward to spending time with the girls, playing outside, and getting away from my thesis. So this was quite a disappointment, but it was nice to nap all afternoon.



For what am I most grateful?
Encouragement from friends is a wonderful anchor. DT has declared himself my biggest cheerleader. While my sometimes grumpy self doesn’t want to hear him say “I’m proud of you” when I have worked hard but failed to meet the goal, he definitely lifts my spirits. He sat at my office while I worked a few nights ago, surfing the net, reading his book, and sending me the occasional e-mail. “Go get'em… XD I'll be right behind you... literally.”



When did I give and receive the most love? The least love?
The kitteh can be the cause of both smiles and tears. My big boy is now capable of jumping onto the kitchen counter and stove, a dangerous place for him to be. Not being able to fit into small spaces that used to be his refuges frustrates him, so he cries, which in turn frustrates me. I yelled at him one night last week when scolding him for being on the counter again; afterwards he slunk off, hid behind the toilet, and wouldn’t let me near him. My stressed-out self burst into tears, frustrated that I had scared the kitteh who obviously did not comprehend what I was saying but was frightened by the tone and volume of my voice :(
I gave Tugger a new toy yesterday to distract him while I tried to get some work done. He started batting it around, having a great time. Five minutes later he was whining... I searched and couldn’t find that toy. Later I opened a cardboard box into a tube and gave it to him as a toy, saying that there was no way he could lose that one. ;)


May I remember to hold the bread tight, so that I may experience the peace necessary to get the rest which I need in order to keep hanging on.


Sweet dreams and God bless.