Appreciation of the Good

I haven’t done this in a while because I was too busy sorting things out in my head and thought that any Sleeping with Bread post would either be pessimistic or falsely cheerful. But it’s a good practice and I appreciate the weekly nudge to participate when I read the others’ posts.

After my cousin’s birthday party a few weeks ago, my aunt sent me home with a slice of cake. It was a lovely strawberry shortcake type cake. There were two layers of white cake, each topped with a layer of strawberries in syrup and surrounded by a whipped cream-like frosting. It was lovely and delicious, I’m told. I might have appreciated it if I wasn’t allergic to it. Instead I let it sit in the fridge wrapped in foil until the straw berries started to grow green spots.

I feel like many of life’s experiences lately have been like this slice of cake. They are special, given with love, and potentially delectable. But I couldn’t let myself appreciate them fully.

I have gotten involved with a young adult group from church. They meet every week for Mass, dinner and fellowship. It’s great to have met people and to have a reason to get out of my place once a week. But I’ve been stressed about not knowing anyone there. Most of them grew up in the area, know each other and have many intricate and sometimes random connections. This makes me miss my old gang of friends; we were that way too.

I live close enough to my brother that I have seen him several times in the past 6 weeks. When I first arrived, things were not going well. I hurt for him and was angry at him. Things have improved significantly; thank God. The visits are shorter, making them less intense than they used to be. But he’s still a major stressor in my life.

My new apartment is great. I get to decorate and rearrange the space. I could easily have finished unpacking all but the book boxes by now. I haven’t, however, because I cannot put some of the items in comparable locations to where they used to be. I don’t like change unless there’s a compelling reason to change. So I’m still living amongst the boxes but undecided about where to put their contents.

I have been using my newness as an excuse for my low productivity. That needs to change… soon. The extra tasks that come with a new job and home can no longer exclude the routine tasks. I may not like the newness but in time it will become familiar. I’ve done it before, I can do it again.

Eventually, I will know where places are that people talk about. I will have routines and regular habits. I will know more than a few people and share in their life stories. Until then

To learn more about the examen and the weekly Sleeping with Bread meme and/or to read other people’s weekly reflections, click here.